Remembering
by Maudlin Mush
Summary: A bad run brings up memories for Johnny. A Sequel to "Practical Jokes".
1. Chapter 1

**Remembering**

**by MM**

disclaimer: The characters (and they certainly are!) do not belong to me nor have I yet to inflict an oc on the unsuspecting readers (just wait, you'll suffer). I'll help 'em up, dust them off, give 'em a smooch and send them back when I'm done.

rating: T

Note: This is a sequel to "Practical Jokes"

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"This is Dr. Brackett," Kel answered the phone.

"Doctor, this is Captain Stanley," Hank said. "You have my paramedics over there, Desoto rode in with the patient and Gage brought in the squad."

"Yes, Roy is in with Dr. Morton trying to keep the patient calm. I'm not quite sure where Johnny is."

"I need to ask a huge favor, doc," Stanley rubbed his sooty face. "John, Johnny was really upset after this run. It brought back a slew of childhood memories, none of them good. He trusts you, do you think you can find him and just be sure he's ok? He was coughing up smoke and he didn't look real good."

"What type of rescue?" Brackett asked.

"House fire, he went in for search and rescue," Hank began. "One fatality. A child was locked in his room."

"He must have panicked and locked himself in," Brackett reasoned.

"Uh, no doctor," his voice hesitant. "The door was padlocked on the outside and the child was cuffed to the bed."

"Dear god," Kel responded.

"He was severely abused and died of a combination of too much smoke and existing damages," again, the hesitation. "Doc, Johnny was abused as a child and I know this brought too much back too soon after his counseling sessions the past few weeks. I'm sure he's going to crash."

"I understand, Hank," Brackett said softly. "I'll find him and take care of him for you."

"Thanks," Cap replied. "Tell him I'll be there as soon as we've cleared the scene." Brackett hung up the phone and looked at a concerned Joe Early.

"Have you seen Johnny?" Kel asked.

"Doctor's lounge," Joe responded. "Roy sent him out."

"Sent him out? Isn't that a bit unusual?" he asked.

"Pretty tough case," Joe commented. "Patient is suffering from too much liquor, smoke inhalation and hitting his head when he fell down drunk. A child died at the scene," he said with a sad look. "Too much internal damage but it wasn't caused by the fire.." Kel nodded once and went off in search of the paramedic.

Johnny never seemed to be too squeamish when dealing with all manners of patients Brackett thought. Always the professional, always understanding. He pushed the door opened and glanced around until he spotted Johnny.

The paramedic was curled on the couch, arms wrapped tightly around his leg and torso, not showing any emotions. As he approached the coughing paramedic, he crouched down and reached out. Johnny not only shoved himself backwards, off the couch with a large crash, he also cried out.

"No, no, I'll be good. Don't hit me," the frightened man hunkered down trying to make himself as small as possible. Kel immediately crouched down and began to speak softly.

"It's ok Johnny, you're safe. No one is going to hurt you," Brackett began. "I'm Dr. Brackett, from Rampart Emergency. You work with me. You're at Rampart with me." He managed to kneel in front of the terrified man still crooning to him.

"You and Roy just came in from a bad run. You did your best," the doctor continued. Finally the paramedic looked up with recognition.

"Why, why do people hurt little kids?" Gage asked with wide, frightened eyes. "Little kids that haven't done anything except be born?" Brackett very slowly reached out his hand touch his shoulder.

"I don't know, Johnny. They're angry, but I don't know why," now he managed to sit next to the paramedic and move his arm completely over his shoulder.

"I never did anything but survive being born. I tried real hard to be quiet," now he was lost back in his own past. "Dr. Williams said it wasn't my fault, my uncle was angry at the world." Kelly put his other hand on Gage's shoulder to try to tug him around and was nearly bowled over as the hurting man suddenly latched on, sobbing. All he could do was rock him gently and make soothing sounds.

Joe Early opened the lounge door looking for his friend. He saw him, with an armload of distraught paramedic, on the floor.

"Kel," he said quietly, "I'll go get a tranquilizer."

"Thanks," Brackett replied.

By the time Early returned Johnny was fully sheltered in Bracket's arms pressed tight against him. He had stopped the loud crying, but was shivering from the emotional turmoil.

"It's ok, Johnny," Joe spoke softly as he approached. "Kel and I want to help you rest. I'm going to give you some diazepam, just to help you calm down. You're safe with us." He kept up the gentle chatter until he was next to him. Carefully he wiped some alcohol over his upper arm and then inserted the needle. Finally he sat down and began to rub Johnny's back trying to soothe him.

Now the door opened and Dixie came into the lounge. She stared at the tableau on the floor trying to figure out what had happened.

"Hey, let Dix get you a nice, warm blanket, Johnny," Kel said. "Then you can lie down in my office for awhile. I have that sofa in there and it's quiet." Johnny nodded and sighed, his body finally starting to relax although he was shivering still.

"Just rest, Johnny, You're safe," Joe reiterated. A few moments later the nurse returned. Carefully the warm blanket was wrapped around the paramedic's shoulders and back. Early pulled him back against him allowing Brackett to assess the vitals. Seeing the sooty, streaked face Dixie wrung out a wash cloth and tenderly wiped it clean. The cloth was then run over the back of his neck.

"Hey, handsome, how about a little juice?" Dixie asked. She received a nod and went to the fridge. A few sips then he leaned back on Early's body completely spent.

"Let's get you to my office," Brackett stood up and offered his hand. Johnny just stared at it.

"Don't think I can make it that far," he admitted.

Don't you worry," Early said. He was carefully pulled up on his feet against Brackett. Joe followed and put a supporting arm around his waist. They let him find his balance then followed Dixie out the door and down the hall to the office.

Once inside he was put on the couch and a second warm blanket appeared, spread over him as he curled up on his side. Kel moved a chair next to the man and sat down.

"I'm going to take your vitals, Johnny," he explained as a blood pressure cuff was wrapped around his upper arm. "Captain Stanley said he'd be here as soon as they'd cleared the scene."

" 'k," was the reply. As he was checking Gage out Desoto looked around the corner.

"Hey Junior," Roy knelt down and placed his hand on Johnny's forehead. Exhausted brown eyes opened and looked at up at his friend."

"Pally," he murmured.

"Cap said you were covered for the rest of the shift," he said.

"Hope not Brice," small smile.

"Me too," Roy chuckled. "Cap'll stop by later."

"Johnny, I think you need to rest here for awhile," Brackett coiled his stethoscope and put it into his pocket. The paramedic nodded and snuggled back down into the warmth of blankets. Roy gave him one more pat and wished him a good sleep. Then the four upright adults left the office and stood in the hallway.

"What happened, Kel?" Joe asked. "I've never seen Johnny so overwhelmed!" Brackett glanced at Desoto trying to decide how to handle the information. Roy decided to speak.

"We had a really tough run, child involved," he began. "Those runs always are the worst. This child was severely abused by his father and died on the scene with Johnny."

"Captain Stanley said the situation reminded John of his own childhood," Kel stepped in.

"I didn't know Johnny was an abused child," Dixie said sadly.

"None of us did, Dix," Roy admitted. "Cap and I found out during his counseling sessions."

"It does explain some of his behaviors, like not being comfortable with being touched," Joe added. "I've seen him jerk away sometimes."

"He mentioned it had been a tough couple of sessions lately," Brackett added.

"Now that we know," Joe decided, "we can all be more supportive of him. Not too clingy, but just let him know we care."

"I need to get back to the station and see who's on for Johnny," Roy told his friends and moved down the hall. Dixie went next with Joe back to the bustle of ER. Kel went back into his office to clear paperwork.

Johnny slept until his Cap came to claim him.


	2. Chapter 2

Remebering

Chapter 2

Two hours past. Gage slept without moving. Brackett even got up to make sure he was breathing a few times. Finally he called Joe Early.

"Joe? Kel," he started. "Just curious, but how much diazepam did you give Johnny?" he listened. "20 mg? No wonder he's sleeping so deeply! He's going to have problems sleeping tonight... Yeah, I'd appreciate that... Ok, thanks." Hanging up the phone he once more checked the slumbering fireman.

"Johnny? You in there?" Kel nudged the younger man and got no response.

"Asleep?" Captain Stanley looked over from the doorway. The doctor looked up sheepishly.

"Ah, yes. Dr. Early was a little generous with the diazepam," he explained. Hank moved over to the couch.

"Let me give it a try," he said and waited for Brackett to move. Once given access he ran his hand over Johnny's shoulder.

"Hey, John? Johnny?" he called quietly. Nose and eyes started to twitch.

"Time to wake up, Johnny," Hank stepped up his verbal prompting as he tugged on the blanket.

"Hmm? Cap?" Gage started surfacing.

"Yeah, pally. Time to go back to the barn," Stanley continued to keep his hand on Gage's shoulder. Two sleepy eyes blinked open and tried to focus.

"Why'm I so tired," he stretched like a lazy cat.

"'Cause Dr. Early gave you some diazepam," Hank explained as he encouraged the paramedic to sit up. The doctor so named came through the door bearing coffee.

"Ah, sleeping beauty is waking up," Joe teased. "I have the second-best recommended method of assisting the process." He sat next to Gage to bolster his side and held a cup of coffee under the drowsy man's nose. Poor Johnny was too sleepy to hold the mug on his own and had to rely on the older doctor to steady it and bring it up to his mouth.

"You really knocked him out!" Hank said with a shake of his head.

"Ooops?" Joe offered. He received two eyerolls from the awake men. He continued to provide assistance while the coffee was being consumed.

The next coffee-bearer entered. Dixie proffered another mug of the caffeinated liquid. She switched cups out with Joe and stood there smiling down at the sleepy paramedic.

"Joe, you've got to watch that stuff!" she teased. Johnny grasped the mug and leaned back away from the doctor. He sipped tentatively then pulled a mouthful in. It didn't seem to be working at all! His mind was mush and he couldn't understand what was being said around him. Early managed to get ahold of the mug as the paramedic started to doze.

"Well, Hank, I guess you'll have to take him like this," Brackett said apologetically. "Or we can put him in a bed for a few more hours." The captain negated that immediately.

"I'll take him," he said tersely. No way he was going to let Gage be left alone! The entire A-shift had been woken by his nightmares over the past few weeks. He'd even taken to trading beds with DeSoto so that the senior paramedic could sleep more.

Chet had suggested putting Johnny on the couch in the day room. Before he could respond Mike had dragged the grumbling prankster out the door and read him the riot act. Actually, Chet had admitted he didn't know Stoker knew all those words!

No, the paramedic was definitely coming with him in the engine. Then Emily would take him home for the night. They'd try to keep most of the Saturday activities, including the track meet, normal. The counselor would see Johnny in the late afternoon. Hank moved over to the couch and tugged gently on the sleepy man's shoulder.

"Ok, champ, time's a wastin'," he said. "Up!" Johnny looked blearily up at his Cap and accepted a helping hand. It took a moment for him to regain his equilibrium, but he managed to walk towards the door.

"Hank? He's going to have problems sleeping tonight," Joe said as he held out a small brown envelop. "These are a few 10 mg diazepam. Give him one before he goes to bed. He can have a second one about an hour later if he can't get to sleep. Otherwise, one every four hours if needed." The lanky fire captain nodded and tucked them into his pocket.

"Feel better, John," Dixie said as she kissed his cheek.

" 'K," he mumbled as he managed to negotiate movement between his two feet. The three medical personnel watch the two firemen leave.

"For heaven's sake, Joe, you really knocked him for a loop!" Dixie scolded.

"He was so upset," Early said. "I figured he'd need a higher dose."

"We'll have to remember it doesn't take much to put Johnny out for the count!" Brackett stated.

"I have to admit I also wanted to make sure he'd sleep well," Joe added sheepishly. "I've never seen him so... distraught." Dixie and Kel agreed as they started down the hall towards the ER nurse's station.

Cap carefully pushed Johnny onto the front seat of the engine and encouraged him to scoot into the middle. Mike was smiling brightly.

"Hey, Johnny, feelin' better?" he asked.

"Uhm, not too sure," he replied. "Head's full of cotton or something."

"Yeah, no brains there, Gage," Chet jumped in right away getting a chuckle from Marco. Stoker, on the other hand, glared over his shoulder at the joker. Cap got in and secured his seatbelt after assuring himself his wayward paramedic was already buckled in.

"Ok, Mike, back to the barn!" he order. The engineer pulled out into the street and started for the station. Gage was already out for the count leaning back on the seat when the tones played over the radio.

"Station 51, house fire, 2315 Paramount Blvd, cross street, Century. Time out, 16:52," dispatch relayed.

"Engine 51, KMG 365," Hank responded. Less than 15 seconds later Roy acknowledged from the station. The engine and squad arrived at the smoking house scarce minutes later. The house was fully involved and Cap was soon directing his men to set up hoses and check for any victims. Glancing up into the engine he could see Gage still sleeping.

As fires went, it actually was fairly simple. Utilities shut off, all people accounted for with mostly minor injuries, two lines pouring water on the roof and front of the house. DeSoto and Dwyer worked on their patients, irrigating and sterile sheeting for the 40 year old male and pressure bandages on the 38 year old female's head wound.

Johnny woke up. He was still incredibly drowsy, but he seemed to recall hearing sirens and Cap directing his crew. Stretching slightly he glanced to his right and saw two men directing water on and in a smoking house.

Weird dream.

He turned a bit in the seat and watched as the scene unfolded. One of the linemen dropped his part of the hose and took a crowbar to the house's frame and pulled open a gap in the burnt wall. Then the hose was brought closer and water poured into the gap onto the last of the fire. Shifting again he noted the squad was nearby and it appeared Roy was working on someone. He pushed himself up straighter.

Not a dream. The house was on fire. His partner was treating victims. He was drugged to the gills and would be absolutely no help to anyone. So he sat, hugging himself for warmth, while he watched his crew mates efficiently handle the fire.

Of course Chet would be the first one to see the paramedic awake. He nudged Marco. Who called over to Stanley. Cap smiled and trotted over to the engine.

"Hey, pally, you with us?" he asked after opened the door.

"Kind of," Johnny said. "Still feel pretty drowsy. Hard to focus."

"Cold?" Cap asked noting the slight shivering.

"Yeah," he said, "a little." Hank pulled an extra turnout coat from behind his seat and gently tucked it around Gage.

"Just rest," he said. "We got this one. Then we'll get back to the station." Closing the door, Johnny watched Cap trot back to his spot overseeing the fire being put out.

It was surreal, dozing in and out, watching Roy on one side and Marco with Chet on the other. Cap using a long bar to open the door and poking the sides to check for any residual embers. He couldn't see Mike as he was on the side of Big Red watching gauges.

It didn't seem to take long before they were mopping up. The ambulance had come and gone. The squad had been packed and followed it. Cap was filling out some paperwork on site for the police and fire marshal. Then doors were opening and sooty, tired men were climbing in around him.

"Hey, Gage, how was the beauty sleep?" Chet asked with no venom. He was actually concerned about the younger man, but didn't know how to express the fact. Mike patted him on the shoulder as he adjusted his seat.

"Don't know, I kept having this weird dream about a house fire," he rejoined with a yawn. "These guys with mustaches were manning the hose."

"Must have been the lead actors," Marco chuckled.

"Naw, that was the tall, lanky guy with the HT," Cap teased. They rode in relative silence to the station.

"Ok, mustached supporting actors, you go on in and shower first," Hank directed. "Mike and John'll look at dinner options." He wanted to get on the phone and arrange a bunk for his friend.

John docilely followed the engineer into the kitchen and poked around the refrigerator/freezer coming up with a package of ground meat. Mike found spaghetti and sauce in the cupboard. Tinned fruit and green beans were pulled out and soon the makings of dinner were lined up.

"I'll run across the street and get some bread," Gage offered. The little mini-mart had a few staples, including a limited supply of bread.

"Get some milk, too," Mike added. He watched the paramedic nod and walk out. About the same time Hank came back in.

"Where's Gage?" he asked.

"Mini-mart," Mike responded, "milk and bread." Cap walked over and began opening cans for the chef. Soon Johnny was back and the kitchen was filling with the wonderful aroma of spaghetti sauce. A beeping noise alerted them to the arrival of the squad.

"Darn, that smell's good," Dwyer said as he entered the kitchen. He poked his nose over the pot and took a long sniff.

"Mike does the best spaghetti!" Roy agreed as he followed, checking the coffee pot. He was happy to discover a full carafe and poured out a mug. Then he joined his partner at the kitchen table.

"Hey, Junior," he said as he sat down, "feeling better?"

"More awake, at least," he allowed. "I think I could finish the shift but Cap said no."

"Well, seems Dr. Early really sent you for a loop with that diazepam," Roy said. "You need a good night's sleep and you won't get that here!" Johnny reluctantly agreed.

"Spoke with Emily," Hank began as he took a seat on the other side of Gage. "She'll stop by about 7 to pick you up. She's picking Ruthie up from practice."

"So Johnny's gonna have a sleep-over?" Chet remarked as he sauntered into the kitchen. He was greeted with three glaring faces while Gage looked down at the table top.

"After dinner you will clean the latrines," Cap stated evenly. He put a hand on the younger paramedic's shoulder.

"Cap, he's just teasing," Gage said quietly.

"Yeah, just teasing!" Chet managed to choke out.

"Sometimes it's not funny," Stoker growled out. When the engineer spoke, people listened.

"Sorry," Kelly mumbled as he went to get the plates out for dinner. Johnny looked up at Hank and nodded towards Chet.

"Ok, as long as you know you went too far," Cap capitulated, "just watch that mouth of yours!"

"Yes, sir!" Kelly responded quickly. He was surprised that his pigeon, of all people, stood up for him. But he didn't show it. Instead he carried the plates to the table and tried to figure out the puzzle named John Gage.


End file.
